Saturday
September 19,1998 began like any other normal Saturday. Must
have been mid-morning that I was sitting at my computer and the
phone rang. It was Darin's voice on the other end asking me if
he could borrow my sleeping bag to go out to Hat Rock, a camping
ground on the Snake River, later that day for his bachelor's
party. He and Bailey, his soon to be stepdaughter, would be out
soon. He sounded excited, full of love and life as always.
"Love you, Ma", he said as he hung up the phone. He
always said that, and I can still see the twinkle in his eyes
whenever he did. I was still at the computer when they arrived.
I dragged the sleeping bag out of the closet and asked him a
little more about the camping trip. I don't remember exactly
when but at one point in our conversation I had a quick ominous
feeling that took me by surprise it was so strong. I told him to
be careful and brushed the feeling off as a "Mom
thing". It was quite a way out to Hat Rock and I've always
hated that highway.
Darin pushed Ed's wheel chair out on the deck and the two of
them sat there and visited like they always did. Darin always
made a point to spend some one on one time with Ed when he was
here. He had stopped in a couple weeks before while out this way
on a service call, and had talked to me about how much weight Ed
had lost and it really bothered him. Darin had a special bond
with Ed that went back to his childhood and his fishing days on
the lake in Ed's canoe with Jr. the black lab in the canoe by
his side. I have a picture of Darin the day he caught the
biggest, oldest, trout in the lake that everyone had been trying
for years to catch. Ed's boys whooped and hollered and Darin's
smile said it all.
I looked out the office window and watched my granddaughter
Cindy and Bailey, running and laughing in the back yard. Soon
they were at the hammock both trying to climb onto it without
dumping the other off. I smiled and the warmth of the moment
filled my soul. I thought of my previous day at work when two of
our drivers came into the office a couple hours apart and each
said the same thing. "Oh, I saw Darin today and he said to
tell you 'Don't forget to order the nuts and mints!' " I
laughed and said "Yeah, right. Like I could forget
that!" That's the only thing I had been asked to provide
for his wedding except just be the Mom. Smiling, remembering
that incident, I walked out to the Deck to give him a bad time
for even thinking I would forget, and to let him know that his
messages were delivered loudly. At that, he threw his head back
and laughed with his chew in his lip and his eyes just sparkled
with orneryness. He had been out to the warehouse where I worked
that day to change a tire on a semi and had talked to the guys.
He talked about how neat they all were and that he always
enjoyed going out there. While we were talking, I had been
watching the girls and decided to get my camera which is nothing
unusual. I snapped several pictures of the girls on the hammock
then turned and looked at Ed and Darin absorbed in conversation.
I focused my camera at them and shot the picture. Then I did a
most typical thing. I walked up onto the deck and focused my
camera squarely on Darin. He had such a serious look on his
face, whatever they were discussing, that I almost said
"Hey, lighten up!" but I didn't, and snapped the
picture. That is such a common occurrence around my house that
neither one really paid any attention to me anyway so I went
back to whatever I was doing. The girls came running in and
there was some discussion as to whether Bailey could spend the
night or not. We discussed maybe both girls staying with Grammy,
but the bridal shower for Holly was that evening at Jacobi's
Restaurant, and we had to figure out how to get her clothes etc.
and see if Jenny would watch them while I was at the shower.
Soon we had it figured out and everyone seemed happy with the
plan and Darin came in to kiss me goodbye. I walked out on the
deck hugged him and told him I loved him as I always did.
A few minutes later, Jenny walked in and by this time the
girls had come inside to play it had gotten quiet. Jenny came
into the office and said that Bailey was crying and didn't want
to stay after all. She had a grandma coming from La Grande,
Oregon for the shower and she didn't want to miss seeing her.
Not sure just what to do, I called Darin on his cell phone to
see where he was and what to do. He had just gotten to Waitsburg,
nine miles down the road. I put Bailey on the phone and after
talking to her a bit, he told me he was coming back to get her.
She really wanted to be with her Mom and Grandma at the shower
and that was okay. After he had left, the first time, the girls
and I had gone out to the garden and they had each picked out a
pumpkin. I made sure Bailey didn't forget to take her pumpkin
with her. Cindy cried when she left as she always did. The girls
would hug each other and we would have to practically pry them
apart.
They could hardly wait till after the wedding when they could be
"cousins, not friends anymore". We always laughed at
that. October 10th was the day we were all looking
forward to. This was going to be quite the wedding at the
Country Club.
I was stressing that day because it was just before payday, and
I had no money in the bank, a gift to buy, the cats and dogs
needed food and I had to figure something out to eat for the
weekend. I called Dad and asked him if I could use his Emporium
card to get a gift for Holly. I was nervous because I didn't
know anyone who would be there as my girls weren't going, and I
wanted to make a good showing because after all I was the mother
of the groom and I felt that made me very special even though I
wasn't feeling it at that particular moment. I was all of a
sudden feeling quite inadequate.
Andrew, Ed's son, had come over from Duvall for the weekend and
had arrived that afternoon. I left the guys with supper ready,
and set out for the department store, and promised to bring home
dog food. Rushing out of the house dressed in my black
Weekenders outfit, because their colors for the wedding were
black and gold, I looked at my gas tank and realized I needed
gas. Thinking I still had a balance on my credit card, I stopped
and put $10.00 of gas in my car and flew off.
I had asked Darin earlier what to get Holly, and he reminded me
that she collected stars and loved candles. That
was easy. I wandered over to the domestics department and found
a candle bowl with a wrought iron stand that was perfect for
Holly. I then went over to accessories and picked out a big
pillar candle that had leaves etc. imbedded in it and smelled
just right. My friend Julia, store manager, wandered over my way
and I told her where I was off to. I had some time before the
shower and had gone over to the dress department to look for a
dress for the wedding. I told Julia what I was looking for;
something classy in black because of their colors and it was an
evening formal wedding at the Country Club. That's all I need to
say. Off she flew and came back with an armload of dresses for
me to try on. The first ones just weren't me, then I picked one
off the hanger that seemed more me, and had a white embroidered
collar, buttoned down the front, long, laced in the back, and
had a slight flare in the skirt. I liked the way it hung and the
style seemed to take some of the weight off me that I hated so
much but hadn't done anything about. I called Julia in to look
at it and twirled around. "I can see myself dancing with
Darin in this!" Sold! I hadn't even planned on seriously
looking but once I found the dress, I asked her to hold it until
I got paid the next Friday for me and she said no problem, it
would be there waiting for me. With that done, I felt relieved
that the dress situation had been settled so easily settled and
headed for Jacobi's. I was still a little early and still being
nervous, didn't want to be too early and didn't want to be late
either. I pulled into the parking lot and didn't see Holly's car
there yet, sat a few minutes and went in. I was the first one
there, so I opted to go sit in my car for a few minutes until I
saw some people arrive, waited a little longer, then took my
gift from the back seat and walked in. I have no idea why I was
nervous inside but I was. Once I was seated and Holly and Bailey
showed up and introduced me to some of her friends, I started to
relax a bit and took my camera out of the bag so it was ready to
use.
As the waiter came around to take our order, I decided to
have my usual favorite, pea salad and facoccia bread. I met
Holly's sister who was there with a cast on her leg and liked
her a lot. We ate, visited, discussed the wedding and all, then
she opened her gifts. I took the pictures and we passed around
her gifts and Bailey was having a wonderful time too. Holly was
both radiant and beautiful that evening.
I soon started to feel like I wanted to go home and the girls
mentioned that a few of them were going out on the town after
leaving Jacobi's. I found the moment to say my good-byes and
gave Holly a big hug and of course, told her I loved her. Then I
headed for the grocery store and could hardly wait to get home.
I just wasn't comfortable all evening, felt a little out of
place I guess, anyway, being a homebody, I just wanted to get
there, and fast. As I pulled out of the parking lot at Jacobi's,
I heard sirens; a lot of them and I remember that vividly. I
shuttered, and then thought of Ed and hoped that everything was
okay at home. My cellphone was on and I knew that they would
have called me if there had been an emergency there. I got to
the store, picked up the dog food, a few grocery items and
presented my credit card at the check stand. It was denied. No
way, I thought, I just used it at the gas station. By this time
I was so stressed from the whole evening that I was getting
queasy and wanted to scream and run! We tried the card again and
no go, so in total frustration, I left the groceries behind,
wondering what I was going to do now, the dogs were out of food,
and figuring out what I could scrounge up to eat the rest of the
weekend. Boy, now I couldn't get home fast enough I was ready to
explode. What should have been a carefree, lovely evening with
my future daughter-in-law at her bridal shower was overshadowed
by my stress and I chastised myself on the way home for letting
everything get to me, and wishing that my girls had been there.
I would have enjoyed myself much more I knew if they had.
When I got in the house and saw that Ed, Andrew, and Jesse
(Ed's grandson and live-in caregiver) had everything under
control, I explained to Ed about the groceries, and told him I
would call the Prescott feed store and get some food for the
dogs the next day. I was sure Deanna would hold a check for me.
I then went into the bedroom, picked up the phone and called
Jenny to tell her I was home and to share my evening with her.
We talked for a bit, and then I hung up the phone. It wasn't
more than 10 minutes later when the phone rang again. I went
into the office and answered it and heard Jenny's voice on the
other end and I knew something was terribly wrong. A chill went
through me like I had never felt before. She started to cry and
told me it was something awful. Shawn, her husband, was in
Chicago with Eddy visiting Corey their brother and quickly,
things flew through my mind; something happened to Shawn, or one
of the boys. Maybe it was Cindy……. I started to panic. Then
I heard her voice say, "Mom, Darin is dead". At first
nothing would come out of my mouth, even though I was screaming.
Then it seemed I couldn't stop screaming. "Oh my God! No!
No! Not Darin, Oh my God, No!. I hardly heard her crying and
barely whisper…"Mom…….." She told me she was on
her way over, that Tabitha and Mike, Shawn’s cousin and
husband, were bringing her. And from that moment on, all of our
lives changed forever.
I asked Tabitha to tell us the events that led to them
finding out about the accident and going to Jennifers and this
is her account of the events.
"Mike was at a party in College
Place and Howard called Rob Robertson's house
and asked to talk to Jon Robertson and then he
came out and was really upset and then
told everyone else that was at the party what happened, and that
it was Darin, and then Mike rushed home.
When he came home it was only about a hour
that he was gone and his eyes were all watery and red. I asked
him what was wrong and then he asked me if
anyone had called me yet and then he told
me that Darin was in a accident and was killed. I told him I was
sorry, thinking it was the Darin Rhoades someone
that he worked with, and then he told me
it was Darin Moore, I guess I didn't know how to react, except
then I called my mom and told her, she called Denise (Shawn's
mom) to find out if she knew or not
because I knew that Jenny was home alone with Cindy, Mom called
me back and told me that she couldn't get hold of Denise, and
then Mike was at the door ready to go,
like he read my mind, I asked him where we were
going, because I wanted to go to Jenny and that is where he told
me we were going. We went back to college
place, to the party just because mike wanted
to confirm that it was Darin, and then we headed off to
Prescott, Mike drove fast as he could to
get out there, (scary he was going about 70-80
m.p.h.) but neither of us paid any attention to that because we
were not sure if you guys knew yet or not,
( since it was only 20mins after the accident
that we found out. ) We got to Jenny's and she was on the phone
talking to Blaine (Mick's former boyfriend at the
time). She could tell I was really upset and that there was
something serious I needed to talk to her about.
She told Blaine that and that she would
call him back, and I told her that there was an accident and
Darin was in it, and that I was very sorry but he was killed.
She started screaming and kept asking me,
"My brother Darin? " Both Mike and I just
kind of grabbed her and we stood there holding each other and
then she called you. I think she thought
that you already knew and that she was on the
phone and you could not reach her that is why she called you,
instead of going to you at first. Then she
told us that she could not drive to you and asked
if we could take her, and we told her yes that is why we came
out was to be there for her and all of
you. And then I got Cindy and grabbed her blanket
off the couch and mike walked Jenny out to the truck as Cindy
and I followed them. We drove to your
house and then the rest you know That was
one of the worst things that mike and I did, I am glad we were
there for you
I just wished, well it never happened."
After I hung up the phone, I tried to tell Ed and the boys
what was wrong but every time I opened my mouth, all I could do
was scream "OH MY GOD! NO….. NOT DARIN!!" They stood
there looking at me trying to figure out what I was hysterically
trying to say when all of a sudden it was as if someone else's
voice came out of my mouth. I looked at Andrew and said,
"Andrew!! Darin is dead!" Then I descended into
a Hell I will never forget as long as I live.
Total chaos took over. I was worried that Ed was going to
have a heart attack on the spot, yet I couldn't calm down enough
myself to take care him. Andrew numbly took charge there. Jesse
did too. The first person I called was Doug Barram, our friend
and pastor who immediately came over. I tried to call Michelle
my youngest daughter, and she wasn't home and then I really
started to panic. I didn't want her driving out here alone or be
to alone at all when she found out, and I didn't know where she
was or where to find her at that point. I called her friend
Stacey, and she said she knew where Michelle was. She would go
to her and drive her here herself. Then I called my little
brother Gary in Tacoma, and he told me that he and Cathy were on
their way and would be here around 5a.m. I had stopped by my
neighbor, Dennis' on my way home from the shower to discuss my
website with him and to tell him about the shower as he had been
their wedding coordinator. I called him next and he came
over. Doug called the neighbors up the road and they both came
down and help to keep Ed calm. I went to find Jenny curled up on
my bed not able to even talk, feeling sick. Tab and Mike sat on
the bench along the wall praying that they were wrong and that
it was some other accident they had heard about, but that the
driver had a drivers license with Darin's name on it, and it was
Darin's car. All other details were so sketchy, just that it was
a head on collision. I called the emergency room and Dr. Selfa
was on duty. He ordered up a prescription for Ed, to help keep
him calm and some other neighbors drove in to pick it up for me.
Doug had called the State Patrol and we were waiting for them to
call us back with any news at all for confirmation. It seemed
like hours. The phone rang and rang and rang and each time it
was someone else wanting to know if the news was true. We kept
trying to use the computer phone to keep the main line open for
any important news. Michelle called and was sobbing, asking if
it was really true and I could hardly believe I was having
to say it was. She was on her way out with Stacey.
I went from one bedroom to another, checking on Ed, checking
on Jenny, and hysterical in between. I paced like a caged lion.
Waiting to hear the truth, yet not wanting that phone to ring
with the answer I knew would come. It seemed like hours when the
phone finally did ring and the voice on the other end asked,
"Is this Sharon Norman?" I started to shake and feel
queasy. I knew that voice. "Yes it is…."
"This is Stephen Ames.." the other voice said and
then I fell apart. I knew that he was the county coroner and
there was only one reason why he would be calling. "Please
tell me it wasn't Darin!" I begged., "Oh, God,
please!" But he couldn't do that, because it was
Darin, he was very sorry. Darin was at the funeral home and then
Darin's father who was on duty at the home that night, took the
phone. He tried to get me to calm down and said he had to ask me
a question - did I want him embalmed? I asked if he did and he
said yes. I agreed. How could we
even be discussing this! I asked
Rich if he had seen Darin and he told me that no, he couldn't,
and neither could he do the embalming. Alan, the other funeral
director was out of town and Darin would go to Milton-Freewater
to be embalmed, then, be returned to Colonial Dewitt. When I
hung up the phone, I sobbed like I never have before in my life
- it was literally hours before I could stop. Tabitha and Mike
eventually took Cindy home with them so she wouldn't have to
witness any more of this horrible situation than she already
had. I can still see that sweet little face standing there
taking in all the horror of the moment and unable to even
respond to it, to tell her this was all a mistake, that it would
be okay....because it would never be.
She and I are able to talk about it now, and it has bonded us
together in a way most grandmas and grandkids will never
understand.
All of a sudden I hollered, "Holly! She was going out
with the girls after the shower. Oh God, she doesn't know! We
have to find her, she doesn't know!" I had no idea where to
begin looking for her. Dennis said he would go home and make
some calls. I didn't even know her parents' names, only that
they lived in Milton-Freewater, Ore. My neighbor Sue came
through the back door, walked over to me and held me tight in
total disbelief. Michelle, and Stacey came in right behind her
sobbing. Michelle's eyes looked wild in disbelief. Dennis
called back a couple times to ask some questions regarding Holly
and kept trying to locate her. The next person I remember coming
to my door was Tony Fernandez, Darin's good friend and a College
Place Policeman. He had asked for special permission to come to
the house to be the bearer of the news we already knew. We stood
there and look at each other in total uncomprehension. How could
these events have even taken place? He kept saying over and over
again how sorry he was and hugging me. Then I told him about
Holly and he said he would go to everyplace he could think of in
Walla Walla and try to find her. He called back later and said
he had no luck. As it turned out, Dennis found out that she and
a couple friends had gone to the Pendleton Roundup in Oregon for
the evening. I was worried that she would find out while there
and have an accident herself while driving home, and prayed for
her safety.
At some point in time, I thought back to the shower earlier that
evening and remembered the sirens I heard when I left Jacobi's.
They had been for Darin. While we were finishing up the shower
and I was on my way home, I thought, the paramedics were cutting
my son's body out of his car. To this day, I can't go to
Jacobi's or even drive by without remembering.
Doug was my rock that evening as were Martin and Libby our
neighbors down the road. They stayed by Ed, Libby coming to
check on me now and then, and Doug stayed pretty much by my
side, leaving to check on Jenny who was curled up on my bed in
the fetal position, and Ed periodically. Michelle stayed with us
for a while then said she just wanted to go home and be alone.
It was her way of dealing with her loss. I wanted her here with
us, but I understood she was in shock and trying to deal with
all this in her own way, and let her go feeeling another panic
attack as I watched her and Stacey drive out the drive. I wanted
my girls by my side where I could see them and know that they
were safe. Shawn was notified, and he and Eddie were catching a
flight out first thing in the morning.
Sometime around 1 a.m., Doug and I sat at the kitchen table
and began to think about the coming day. He said that with
family coming in, I would need something to feed them. That was
the last thing on my mind right then. He took out a pencil and
paper and began to make a list, asking questions here and there.
The list grew and I wasn't paying any attention. The next thing
I knew, he was off to Walla Walla in the middle of the night to
buy groceries! He returned some time later with a carload of
sacks filled with food. I couldn't believe my eyes nor could I
move. Jesse and Andrew took charge and helped Doug put the food
away, and then Doug said he needed to discuss something with me.
He looked worried. He told me that he had a flight to Colorado
in a couple days to see his son and that he didn't know what to
do. He really needed to be with his son, yet he felt he needed
and wanted to be here for us. I looked at him and spoke from my
heart. How, in light of this evening, could he even consider not
going to his son? How quickly a child can be taken from us! I
told him he should go and be with his son and enjoy every moment
they had together; how could I deny him that?
We discussed getting in contact with Walt Meske, the chaplain
at Walla Walla General Hospital, who we had learned to know over
the past several years and whom we thought the world of. Doug
would call and ask him to get in touch with us. It was 4 a.m.
before Doug felt he could safely leave us, knowing that family
would be here shortly. I tried to lay down with Ed and rest, but
instead I stared out the bedroom sliders, to the darkness in the
back yard, trying to make my self believe that none of
this had really happened...rest? That would not come for a
long, long, time... if ever.
Post Script: The dress that I
had set aside for Darin's wedding was purchased by all the
Employees at the Emporium where I used to work, and delivered to
my home in time to wear to his funeral. The dress still hangs in
my closet, never to be worn again.
Post Post Script: The dress was worn again to the
funeral of Nathan Blaine Orchard on May 29,2001. Blaine
was killed in a one vehicle accident just south of Prescott on
May 23,2001. Blaine had been a part of my family since his
school years and had been the first and only real love of
my Michelle's life. Once again the dress is packed away waiting
for the day I will finally be laid to rest with Darin.
July 8, 2003, My husband Ed in photo below, died at home
by my side, after many years of illness. My men are now
gone.
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